Japan Day 3: Taking The Long Way Home

Today started off as a fairly typical day in Japan. I was up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am, an hour earlier than the day before, my body is not adjusting well. At 7 I headed downstairs for some toast and fruit cocktail before climbing back in to bed for an hour or so.

Dom and I decided to go our own separate ways in the morning so I was left to my own devices to catch the train. I suck at catching trains, I book tickets for the wrong day, I don’t realize I need to validate the ticket before boarding the train because its printed in another language and validation machines aren’t clearly visible on the platforms, or I just don’t bring the right documentation.  Today was no different; I got on the wrong train. Luckily I still got to the place I was trying to go (Kyoto) it just took about double the time it normally does.

When I finally arrived my first stop was the post office where Dom had apparently been waiting for me for quite some time. I got some money, (the most exciting thing in the whole world after two days of not being able to buy anything including food without relying on Dom) and we were on our way.

We purchased a day pass for the bus because everything in Kyoto is quite spread out and the subway system is pretty subpar. Because it was still the New Years season and the buses we wanted to catch went to all the main temples in the city the buses were filled to the brim, it was actually hard to breathe on some of them they were so full.

We spent a few hours visiting various temples before making our way to the palace. We had already seen about a million temples and shrines in the past two days so we thought we would mix it up a bit. Unfortunately the palace itself was closed, you could still access the grounds but you had to pay an admission fee which I was not about to do especially after I had just paid to see a temple covered in gold.

We made our way back to the train station and caught a train a short ways out of the city centre to go see a temple there. I don’t think we found the one we were looking for because there were no crowds at all but it was kind of a nice change to be able to wander through the grounds at a leisurely pace without people throwing elbows to get past you.

It was getting pretty close to sunset at this point and I was pretty tired so I decided to head home while Dom chose to return to one of the temples we visited yesterday. I made it back to Kyoto just fine but it was when I tried to catch the bus back to Osaka that the fun really started.

As I said before I suck at catching trains and this was probably my biggest train screw-up to date. I had already caught the train I needed a few times so I figured it would be easy. Go to platform 30, catch the train to Kansai Airport and get off at Shin Osaka Station. The thing is platform 30 starts where platform 0 starts and when I arrived the train on platform 0 was creeping into platform 30’s space so I figured it must be my train and it was getting ready to leave so I jumped on it as quickly as I could. I knew straight away that I was on the wrong train but the doors had closed and the train was in motion so there was nothing I could do.

I looked around the train and saw quite a few people had luggage and thought to myself maybe this is going to the airport just on a different route then remembered people on most trains have luggage and felt like more if an idiot than I already did.

The screen at the front of the train changed from Japanese to English and started listing the cities it was stopping in. Shit! I don’t recognize any of those names, I am so screwed. Then the conductor started making his way down the aisle checking tickets, now I was really screwed. I don’t have a ticket for this train; this is going to cost me an arm and a leg. I start to panic at this point; I’m sweating and beat red. All I can think is I am going to get a gigantic fine and have to cancel the rest of my trip. Luckily through the language barrier the conductor seemed to take pity on me and just told me to get off at the next stop and head back to Kyoto. Sweet no money lost, yet, I still had to make it back to Kyoto.

The train I had accidently gotten on was a thunderbird train, which, means it travels much faster than the standard trains. I kept praying it would stop soon; I just wanted to go home.  It didn’t it just kept going and going. After about half an hour the conductor walked past me again, part of me was scared to talk to him for fear he wouldn’t be so nice this time and decided to charge me for my stupidity but I needed to know when I was getting off this stupid train. I stopped him and asked him when the next stop was, he told me to go back to Kyoto, I nodded and asked what time and pointed at my imaginary watch. This game of charades went on for a while but finally he figured out what I wanted and advised me we would arrive at our next stop approximately an hour after we left Kyoto and that the train back leaves 8 minutes after we arrive.

Oh gosh an hour away from where I started on a high-speed train, this was not good. Dom was probably home by then and worried about my whereabouts but there was nothing I could do. My phone has been disconnected and I didn’t have access to Wi-Fi so I just had to worry about getting home.

When the train finally arrived at the first stop I was relieved but that feeling only lasted about 10 seconds before the panic returned. The signage at this station was pretty much non-existent. How the hell was I going to find my way home now? I figured it would make sense for the train on the opposite side of the platform to be returning to Kyoto so I approached someone and said ‘Kyoto?’ the person looked at me like I was crazy and told me no.

Its okay, I still have like 6 minutes to find this train, I’ll just head to the main gate where all the departures are listed and everything will be fine. I walked off the platform and ended up in a tunnel with no signs pointing to the exit. I managed to find what I was looking for but there was no departures board. The universe must be getting sick of me screwing up train journeys so badly because this sure wasn’t easy for me.

I found a member of staff and asked what platform for a train to Kyoto. Again it took a while for her to figure out what I wanted but eventually we were both on the same page and she told me to go to platform 6. There was no train there yet and while I was waiting and thinking I was definitely going to have to provide my first born child to get back to Kyoto on this express train I heard the voice on the station speakers say the words Osaka and Kyoto, I looked at the train next to me on the opposite side of the platform and it looked like many of the trains I have been on that don’t ask to see your tickets. I still wasn’t sure it was the train I wanted but I saw a conductor beside the train so I walked up to him pointed at the train and said ‘Osaka?’ he looked puzzled for a moment before replying ‘Osaka, yes, Osaka’. Great! I hopped on the train, which quickly began to fill up. While I was sitting there though I looked out the window and saw signage that said trains to Obama. I started to panic again. A girl had just sat next to me, I asked if she spoke English she said she spoke a little, I asked if the train was going to Osaka she said yes and then tried to explain that it was two stops after to Kyoto but was using the word ‘no’ a lot in doing so, I was not feeling at ease at all. The train started to move and I figured I would just ride it out. Worst case scenario: I end up in some random city I’ve never heard of and I pay for a hotel for the night and figure this out in the morning. It wouldn’t be ideal but it wouldn’t be the end of the world either. The girl next to me could sense my panic and looked up what time the train would be arriving in Osaka and advised me I would be home at 20:13. This made me feel a little better but I still wasn’t 100% sure I was on the right train.

After about an hour on the train the screen displayed a message that said the train would uncouple in Himeji and that was the best news I had heard all day. Even if the train didn’t go to Osaka my rail pass includes Himeji so I could catch a train from there to get home. Finally I felt at ease. I could finally see the humor in the situation.

When I finally arrived home, 4 hours after my original departure, Dom was not quite as amused by the story as I was. I felt bad that he thought something bad had happened to me but at this point all I could do was laugh. I had turned a twenty-minute ride home into a 4-hour journey full of a rollercoaster of emotions. The icing on the cake was that I didn’t have to pay any money for my stupidity. I actually felt kind of lucky when I got home. Things really could have gone down much worse.  I guess I really need to learn to take my time when it comes to trains because all of the stupid mistakes I have made have come from me rushing to get to my destination. Hopefully this will be the only train mishap I have to write about on this trip!